


Once More with Folklore

by Astral_Bees



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Bangel - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Folklore, Fuffy, Inspired, Ok have fun, Oneshot, Spuffy, This is, all my homies hate seeing red, and uh xander and anya kinda, bc if i did i don't know if i'd be able to write for him, fuck seeing red, i don't personally ship all of these, i just went with what made sense to me for each song, i think that's all i have to say, i will not be including that as canon for spike in any of these, i would like to say right here right now, ok, pretty much all of these are sad, so i have no self control w fics, some non canon stuff, there is some canon stuff, these oneshots will include, tillow, truly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 10,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25561762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astral_Bees/pseuds/Astral_Bees
Summary: This is a collection of oneshots based around the 16 songs from folklore
Relationships: Angel/Buffy Summers, Faith Lehane/Buffy Summers, Spike/Buffy Summers, Tara Maclay/Willow Rosenberg, Xander Harris/Anya Jenkins
Kudos: 10





	1. the 1

Angel stared out the window at the cars passing by in the night. He could hear Cordelia and Doyle talking in the next room over, but he wasn’t paying attention to them. His eyes were focused on a blonde girl standing at a bus stop and for a moment he could imagine his heart beating. But she turned and he could make out her face. And his heart that hadn’t been beating, quieted down, nonetheless.

Turning away from the window, Angel picked up a file and started flipping through it. Despite the words in front of him, all he could see was that same blonde hair on a different girl. He had known it wouldn’t be her down by the bus. Though it hadn’t stopped him from hoping for just a moment.

The past played through his mind, memories floating in and out of focus.

His old leather jacket covering the shoulders of her small frame, swallowing her whole. A smile tugging at the edges of her lips. The desire to kiss it right off. Her knowing exactly who he was and not minding enough to stay away. A flame that burned just a bit to brightly to last. And deep inside he couldn’t help wishing that they had made it work, but he knew it was better now. That they were better off on their own, doing what they needed to do.

‘But it would've been fun,  
If you would've been the one.’

Setting the file back on his desk, Angel made his way to the door.

“I’m going for a walk.”

Cordelia and Doyle watched him leave, but they didn’t say anything as he walked out.

Out on the streets below, Angel wandered amongst the people. They made their way through their own lives and he found himself thinking about what she was doing. How had her life been going since he’d left?

Little bits of her shown through in the people around him and a scenario started to build up in his head. A life that he knew she didn’t have. But it was a life she deserved all the same. Her with some normal guy that treated her well. Regular conversations and laughter that could fill a room. The type of life some people would call boring. But after all she had had to do, didn’t she deserve boring?

His shoe scuffed against the sidewalk and Angel took a moment to shake himself out of his fog. There were days where he found himself wishing he had stuck around a little longer. That he had let himself believe they could be something more than temporary.

There would always be a part of him that missed her. That loved her.

‘I guess you never know, never know,  
And it's another day waking up alone.’

All of his thoughts crashed into each other as he lingered on the final question that ruined it all. A question that plagued his waking moments and toyed with all of his wants. What if he was something different? Something human.

‘I, I, I persist and resist the temptation to ask you,  
If one thing had been different,  
Would everything be different today?’

If he had been anywhere else than L.A., Angel was certain there would have been snow in the air. A sense of connection tugged in his chest and he glanced back up at the office. The light shone down at him and he could imagine Cordelia and Doyle still talking. It was better this way. He was… happy. And he hoped she was happy too.

‘But it would've been fun,  
If you would've been the one.’


	2. cardigan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one's Tara and Willow

Tara looked up at Willow’s face, a gentle smile settled on her face as her eyes drooped closed. Snapshots of her life tinged her thoughts in warmth. The two of them existing in a moment of time.

They walked along a path in the park, Tara turning to Willow and coaxing a soft kiss out of her. She smiled against her lips, knowing that they were the only people that mattered right then and there. Pulling away, Willow ran her free hand over Tara’s hair, her other hand clasped in Tara’s. They picked up their conversation and started walking again.

Another flash of them, lying in Tara’s bed together. Willow’s hand rested on Tara’s stomach and they stayed in silence, listening to the music engulfing them. A blanket of safety covered Tara’s whole body, slipping gently into the folds of her mind. She wondered if Willow could hear her heartbeat thumping in tune to the radio. And if she could, was she aware it was beating for her? Willow shifted and scooted up to meet Tara’s face. She placed a kiss on her forehead and the moment changed again.

Tara heard her dad’s voice in the back of her mind, and she doubted herself. Everything felt like a lie once more. But a wave drifted over her and she knew who she was. A witch. A girl. A beating heart. Arms looped around her waist and she could smell vanilla wafting over her shoulder.

‘And when I felt like I was an old cardigan,  
Under someone's bed,  
You put me on and said I was your favorite.’

Their greatest hits kept floating through her mind. A cat. A kiss. A hundred more. A dance that felt more like magic than even her strongest spells.

She could hear the muffled arguments and the time that passed between them, but it all sounded like distant music. What mattered were the good moments. The two of them knowing love. Tara feeling a kind of acceptance that she hadn’t known since her mom had died. If they had fallen asleep together and she had woken up alone, Tara knew it would have been the sweetest dream. But she always woke up with Willow right by her side.

Her eyes refocused on Willow in front of her and as Tara’s eyes fluttered to a close, she wondered why there were tears making light bounce off of Willow’s cheeks. They were only falling asleep. She was only falling asleep. They would see each other in the morning, when they woke up side by side.

But Willow knew better.

‘Marked me like a bloodstain.’

Her breath hitched in her throat as she screamed to the gods she trusted. To the ones she didn’t.

‘Tried to change the ending,  
Peter losing Wendy.’

There was no tomorrow for them. No mornings left where they had the luxury of waking up together.

“Tara, baby. I love you.” Her voice broke as she forced the words out. The truth burned her throat as she stared down at Tara in her arms.

‘'Cause I knew everything when I was young.’

And she knew. She knew in that moment that she would have given anything to bring Tara back to her.

‘And I knew you'd come back to me,  
You'd come back to me,  
And you'd come back to me,  
And you'd come back.’

Even if it would only be in the night, in her dreams, in her hopes and her desires.


	3. the last great american dynasty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this includes some info from the subsequent seasons that are carried on in the comics of buffy and angel

Faith could feel the eyes on her everywhere she went. It was a new town, but the same old people. Singling her out. Making her the monster. She knew she could play the part. And she could play it well. But she hadn’t donned that mask in a while.

It wasn’t her fault Giles had died. It wasn’t her plan to get his house. She had just gotten… lucky? No. If she had been lucky Giles would be alive, she would be with Buffy, and her life would have gone a lot differently. There would have been fewer mistakes. There would have been more love. But at least she wasn’t all alone anymore. In a big old house with herself and Angel.

She knew her past would always be waiting right around the corner, but she had changed. Growth was an everyday thing and she was still working on it. But she was a new and improved Faith.

So, it hurt that she knew the people didn’t like her even though they didn’t know her. That she was somehow still a menace to them. Maybe not a monster, but something close enough.

She was aware Sunnydale was still singing songs of her descent. The echoes of the tune played in her ears when she tried to sleep. A whole group of people humming along to what she hated most about herself. Those days had been easy. They had been hell and they had destroyed her, but they had been easy. Playing the mercenary. The assassin. The daughter.

Maybe it had even been fun at times.

But there was that damn song again. Her woes and her troubles bouncing off the walls of her bedroom. Sunnydale had their reasons for singing along. Who was she to complain?

‘There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen,  
She had a marvelous time ruining everything.’

Angel seemed to be the only person that could see passed all of the bullshit and the hate and the anger and the steel walls she had built herself all those years ago. Tears slipped down her cheeks as her head hit the pillow. She could still feel the stares raking over her skin. They tracked her everywhere she went, even when she was alone.

“It’s wrong.” Her lips formed the whisper for her ears only.

Trailing through the town, she caught snippets of words and phrases. Little pieces of conversations. Lives that she would never be a part of. People she would never know. Talking about her as if they knew what she had lived.

‘There goes the most shameless woman this town has ever seen,  
She had a marvelous time ruining everything.’

They seemed to long for the days of Giles and his studious silence. His continuous absence from England. She was too present for them. Too much for them. Faith always seemed to be too much for everyone. Couldn’t she ever be just the right amount for someone?

Someday she would be the right amount for someone. She had to believe that. But until then, she would just have to be

‘The loudest woman this town has ever seen.’

“I had a marvelous time ruining everything.” She said as she walked past a woman walking her dog and staring. “I had a marvelous time.”


	4. exile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike and Buffy at Xander and Anya's wedding

‘I can see you standing, honey.’

Buffy looked beautiful, even in the bridesmaid’s dress Anya had picked out. And Spike could feel all of their moments together bubbling up to the surface. She was something incredible. Something intoxicating. And as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t seem to get her out of his system. But she was done.

‘And it took you five whole minutes,  
To pack us up and leave me with it,  
Holdin' all this love out here in the hall.’

He could hear his date talking beside him, but all he knew in that moment was that it was still Buffy. Something deep inside him was terrified it would always be Buffy.

“Are you even listening to me?”

Spike’s eyes finally shifted over to the girl standing next to him.

“Huh?” A second for his brain to catch up. “Oh. No, not really, love. Sorry.”

She shrugged and walked away from him. Was he supposed to follow after her? He didn’t know the answer to that. He didn’t quite know the answer to anything anymore.

Buffy’s voice caught his attention and he saw her talking to a wedding guest, some demon. There she was, having a normal conversation while his heart fell out of his chest over and over. If she had known, would she have cared? Did it even matter if she did? It didn’t change how he felt.

‘You were my town, now I'm in exile, seein' you out.’

Buffy made her way from guest to guest, checking to see if everyone was alright. The last thing they needed was a fight to break out. But the back of her neck tingled, and she knew exactly why.

‘I can see you starin', honey.’

Spike’s eyes were boring holes in the back of her head. She hadn’t expected it would be so hard to finally break things off with him. It was right though. What they had, had never been good. So, why did it hurt just a little to know he was watching her?

‘Those eyes add insult to injury.’

Buffy met his gaze for a second and then she was moving through the crowd again. She could pretend it was all normal. Pretend she was ok with him being there. Pretend all of her was completely done with all of him.

‘now I'm in exile, seein' you out,  
I think I've seen this film before,  
So I'm leaving out the side door.’

He didn’t make a move to intercept her exit. They were on their way out, it would just take more time. None of what they had done had actually been true. Maybe when it was happening, it had been the truth for him. But she had always been lying.

‘We always walked a very thin line.’

It wasn’t like he had been unaware she was lying. It was just that he could convince himself the lies were sweet enough to hold.

They shared one brief moment, a few words exchanged as a simple goodbye. And then they were moving away from each other, back to their lives.

‘You were my town, now I'm in exile, seein' you out,  
I think I've seen this film before,  
So I'm leavin' out the side door.’

Back to what was always supposed to be. And they were never meant to be anything more, no matter how much Spike had tried to trick himself.


	5. my tears ricochet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy at the end of season 2 and beginning of season 3

Collapsing to the floor, Buffy let the tears stream down her face. She could feel the absence of the sword in her hand. The weight of what she had just done crushing her.

It had been him. She had killed Angel. Not Angelus. Not some random vampire. Angel. She hadn’t had a choice, but there it was. The truth, plain and simple. Curled in on herself, her tears shook her frame and her mind replayed those last few minutes over and over again. He had come back to her. And she had sent him to hell.

‘Weepin' in a sunlit room.’

Pulling herself back to the present, Buffy straightened up and stared ahead at where he had been. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. She would have given anything to save Angel. But instead, she had been his doom.

‘'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you,  
'Til my dying day.’

She stood, finally turning from the wreckage of her heart and left. Life would keep going even if he wasn’t there.

Lost and confused, Buffy wandered through the next few weeks trying to make herself anew. Anne rose from the ashes and pulled on an ordinary life as though it were an old coat. What else was she supposed to do? She had to push forward. Though her thoughts often pulled her back to that day. To what felt like the end of her life. Without her mom, her friends, Angel, what life did she have?

On her lowest days, Buffy swore she could hear Angel whispering in her ear. See him walking with her in the reflections of store windows. Feel him sitting in the corner of her apartment as she got ready for work.

‘You know I didn't want to have to haunt you,  
But what a ghostly scene.’

He was there with her in the worst ways. On the worst days. And all she wanted was to see her mom again. To see Willow and Xander and Giles. To know she wasn’t all alone, haunted by the one person she had fallen in love with.

‘And I can go anywhere I want,  
Anywhere I want, just not home.’

But instead of going back to Sunnydale, Buffy let her tears coax her into sleep. Silent lullabies of shame whisking her away to the only place she could find some semblance of peace.

Some nights, when she couldn’t find it in herself to sleep, Buffy would look out her window at the city around her and talk. Get her thoughts out. Tell Angel that she was sorry. That she hadn’t meant for everything to become so… twisted. He was never there when she wanted to talk. It was just her and her thoughts filling up the night sky.

‘And I still talk to you (When I'm screaming at the sky.)’

She knew it didn’t matter if she apologized, if she talked to him. There would never be a moment where he would get to hear her again. Her words were for herself. Some form of release.

And still, as she forced herself to go back. Back to Sunnydale. Back to the hellmouth. Back to the people that might have moved on from her. She could hear him echoing in her head one final time.

‘You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same.’

Her thoughts cloaked in his voice followed her back into town and she knew that it wasn’t him. She knew it wasn’t forgiveness from Angel. But maybe it was her recognizing what had actually happened. Accepting the truth for what it was. Brutal and unforgiving, but necessary.

Standing on the front porch of her house, Buffy found that her hand was shaking. It didn’t stop until she had it balled up in a fist, poised to knock.

Steeling herself for whatever came next, she did something that was far scarier than slaying vampires. Buffy wiped her face off with the sleeve of her other arm. And knocked.

‘Wishing I stayed,  
Look at how my tears ricochet.’

Joyce Summers was greeted by a ghost come to life.


	6. mirrorball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more Tara and Willow

‘I'll get you out on the floor,  
Shimmering beautiful.’

Willow and Tara gazed into each other’s eyes and without even knowing what was happening, the scene shifted around them. The Bronze faded to nothing as Tara’s dorm came into focus. But even as they moved to the new location, the two continued to sway along to the music that followed. Their feet solid beneath them as they held tight to one another.

“I still can’t believe you’re mine,” Willow whispered softly.

A shy smile settled onto Tara’s lips as she looked up at Willow through her lashes. Couldn’t Willow see that Tara was the one who couldn’t believe Willow had noticed her?

‘Hush, when no one is around, my dear,  
You'll find me on my tallest tiptoes,  
Spinning in my highest heels, love,  
Shining just for you.’

They fell into a kiss, becoming one for a second before they split back into two. Tara’s hands played with Willow’s hair as stars spread out around them. Like two entangled balloons, they made their way up and up and up.

Floating among the midnight sky, Tara leaned in.

“I can change everything about me to fit in,” she pulled her head back to look into Willow’s eyes again. “but I never had to change for you.”

Twisting amidst the clouds, the two held onto each other as though they were the only things keeping them afloat. Keeping them alive. Tara slipped her arms from where they had been resting around Willow’s neck and placed her hands on her cheeks. Another kiss dropping them back to earth, bathing them in light. Something sparkling and new, but familiar.

In her grasp, Willow felt like warmth and comfort and safety and home. A combination that had never seemed attainable to Tara. But there she was, with the girl that she loved. The only girl that could make her feel strong enough to dance in the light of the sun.

Tara broke from the kiss, resting her forehead against Willow’s and smiling wide.

She knew her life had been dull before, but it was only when she was drenched in Willow’s light that she realized just how dim it had been. Since Willow, she became aware how much there was within herself. How much there had always been, just waiting below the surface. It hadn’t taken magic to find her own light, her own shine. It had taken love.

Family would always be something confusing for her. A mystery that not even the greatest scholars could explain.

‘And they called off the circus, burned the disco down,  
When they sent home the horses and the rodeo clowns.’

There was still some part of her that wanted to prove that she was good. That she was right. That she was never cursed and never could be.

‘I'm still on that tightrope.’

But she knew that she had found a family. Or something resembling one. Where she was known and understood and accepted. Where she didn’t have to prove herself. Even if she tried anyway.

‘I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me.’

Willow tilted Tara’s chin up, so they were looking at each other’s star flecked eyes. Tara felt her heart stammer in her chest, and she heard that wonder filling up her senses again. That wonder that asked why Willow had seen her.

‘I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try,  
I'm still on that trapeze,  
I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me.’

But as their eyes stayed locked and she saw the stars that reflected in them, Tara knew that their lights had always matched. Willow had just been the first one to see it.


	7. seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I swear I didn't intend for Tara and Willow to make up so many of these,, but here we are

‘Please picture me in the trees.’

Willow traced the letters on the headstone, trying not to focus on the name that they spelled out. A weight rested on her shoulder and she looked to her side, but she was alone. Of course, she was alone. It was a lie to think anything else.

‘I hit my peak at seven,  
Feet in the swing over the creek,  
I was too scared to jump in.’

Resting a bouquet against the cold stone, laughter floated by on the wind. She could almost see a moment lost to time. A moment that had been buried under her grief. A girl laughing as she let her worries go for a brief second. The sun brightening her face as she let a tire swing carry her over a field, over a lake. That laughter joined the laughter that was on the wind and Willow felt the sun shining over her even though the clouds covered it above the graveyard.

‘Are there still beautiful things?’

Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she closed her eyes, letting the memory take her with it.

‘Sweet tea in the summer,  
Cross your heart, won't tell no other.’

A picnic spread between them as they sat, listening to the life of the forest. Birds whistled their own little tunes as the girl in front of her hummed her own. She was so close, but Willow knew that if she reached out to touch her it would be as if she had touched a reflection in the lake. So, she kept her hands to herself and let the humming play like a simple melody over her sadness.

‘And though I can’t recall your face,  
I still got love for you.’

Willow watched as she stood, not daring to move from her own position on the picnic blanket. Biting her lip to keep from breaking completely, Willow reveled in the knowledge that she still had pieces of her.

‘Your braids like a pattern.’

A soft sob escaped her lips, but she pushed it back down. She wanted to have this moment. Just one more moment. Just something shared between the two of them. Even if it was from the past. Even if she had already lived through it. She just wanted her back. Just for a moment. A moment. All she needed was a moment.

“Love you to the Moon and to Saturn,” she whispered more to herself than to the phantom of a girl that couldn’t even hear her.

But as she spoke, the memory dissolved around her like cotton candy in water. And she was left with nothing but an ache in her chest that felt like a bullet wound.

Willow picked herself up and forced herself to leave. She found her way back to the Summers’ house and fell onto her bed. As her head settled against the comforter, another memory absorbed her. Two girls lying together in complete ignorance of what was to come.

Ghostly arms wrapped around her and she let the sobs shake her shoulders.

‘And I've been meaning to tell you,  
I think your house is haunted.’

Eyelashes sticking together as she opened her eyes, Willow looked over at the girl holding her. But just as she had expected, there was no girl there.

Her eyes fluttered closed again and she was back in her embrace.

‘And I think you should come live with me.’

Willow fell asleep in the memory of a love long gone, held by someone that no longer existed. She could hear that melody humming through her body as she clutched the air that took the form of the girl she had lost. Her face was just out of reach. A painting left out in nature too long. Warped and distorted.

‘And though I can't recall your face,  
I still got love for you.’

When she woke, Willow was alone all over again. She could never hold on tight enough to make the memories stay.

Her heart ached as she lifted her head from the bed they had shared. She and the girl that held her universe.

‘Passed down like folk songs,  
Our love lasts so long.’


	8. august

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander and Anya's wedding day

Tears splashed onto the veil in her hands. This was how love went. It started with a flash and then it cooled until it became a shard of ice that could shatter at the slightest wrong touch. Anya taught herself that from the second she had become a vengeance demon. So, why was she so hurt? The turn of events should have been familiar to her. They were familiar to her. But she had been outside of them for so long, that she had forgotten what it felt like to actually experience them.

Xander danced around her thoughts and as much as she tried to get rid of him, he just kept coming back.

‘But I can see us lost in the memory,  
August slipped away into a moment in time,  
'Cause it was never mine.’

Anya stuffed the veil into a bag in the room and walked out. She hurried into the hall and got caught in an image of the two of them.

‘And I can see us twisted in bedsheets.’

She smiled weakly at herself lying there, oblivious to the future. Oblivious to the empty alter that awaited her.

Her eyes turned to Xander and a new round of tears sprung from her eyes.

“'Cause you were never mine.”

Leaving the image behind her, she pushed through into another room and a new image took its place. Their apartment with clean light breaking through the blinds. Them existing within a warm bubble.

‘Your back beneath the sun,  
Wishin' I could write my name on it.’

What was she supposed to do?

‘I remember thinkin' I had you.’

But this wasn’t her reality anymore. She was seeing their greatest hits play out one final time before she had to leave them all behind. There was no point tricking herself into thinking there was hope for them. They had shattered and the pieces were too small to glue back together.

Making her way out into true sunlight, Anya caught sight of one last scene. A moment of desperation. A gesture that tasted sour now that she knew where it would lead. A man saying words that sounded like a promise when they had been uttered, but now they were just a cheap gimmick. A girl with hope and excitement in her eyes. Eyes that were currently red and filled to the brim with tears. A shredded image of trust and belief. Something that could have been beautiful, but was really just a bright, blistering mess.

‘Back when we were still changin' for the better,  
Wanting was enough,  
For me, it was enough,  
To live for the hope of it all.’

Anya picked up her pace, running from the proposal. If she had been able to speak to the girl in the memory, she would have told her to do the same.

‘So much for summer love and saying "us"’

She didn’t regret her moments with Xander. She didn’t regret the images scattered in the rooms behind her. She didn’t regret them. She just wished…

Anya just wished Xander had been hers.

‘'Cause you were never mine.’


	9. this is me trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy comes back from the dead, but at what cost?

Gasping for breath, Buffy shot up in her bed. Her skin was covered in a thin layer of dirt from her dream. She had to shake off the sensation before she could fully process that she wasn’t still stuck down in her coffin.

‘I've been having a hard time adjusting.’

The moon was still hanging in the sky outside her window, but her room was light enough to see in. She walked over to her mirror and gazed at her reflection in the dim light. All of her features were where they should be, they looked the same as they had before… before she had died. Again. But there was something hidden underneath it all. Something Buffy didn’t dare bring to light. If the others saw what she saw, would they even know who she was anymore? Did she even know who she was?

‘I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting.’

Slipping a large coat over her pajamas, Buffy snuck down the stairs and out to the back porch. She sat on the steps and stared at the moon.

The world had gone on just fine without her. Sure, her friends had missed her, and the bills had started to pile up. But those were all things that they would have been able to deal with. Buffy was just an unnecessary variable that they had brought back because they could. They didn’t need her.

‘I didn't know if you'd care if I came back,  
I have a lot of regrets about that.’

Hugging her knees to her chest, Buffy sighed and closed her eyes. When the sun came up, she would have to be Buffy Summers again. She would be the friend, the sister, the slayer. But it was hard to be any of those things when all she felt like was a dead girl.

She was almost certain she’d left the most important parts of her in that grave. If she looked into the pit she had climbed out of, would she find her hope? Find her life?

‘Could've followed my fears all the way down.’

Letting a few more minutes pass, Buffy stood and returned to her room. It wasn’t a bad idea to try to get some more sleep.

She woke more peacefully in the morning, but her dreams still followed her as she walked through the halls of her house. Willow smiled as they passed each other and even though it was brief, Buffy could still see how Willow was waiting. She was waiting for Buffy to come back to her. Was she waiting for something impossible?

‘And maybe I don't quite know what to say.’

Buffy grabbed some food and plastered a smile on as Dawn entered the kitchen.

“Are you all set for school?” She looked over at Dawn as she slid a bowl of cereal across the counter.

Dawn nodded in reply and took the bowl as she crammed a few more books in her backpack. And then she was out the door and the smile fell from Buffy’s face.

She sat at the counter and waited for the next time she would be needed. Was she needed? Tara and Willow called out a cheery goodbye from somewhere by the front door and she replied as cheerily as she could. And just like that, Buffy was alone again. Maybe not buried under feet of dirt, but still alone.

The phone rang and she forced herself to get it.

“Hello?”

“Buffy? Oh, good. I was wondering if you could stop by The Magic Box.” Giles’ voice sounded through the receiver.

“Yeah, of course.”

It wasn’t anything big, apparently just training. Yet another reminder that she was just there. She wasn’t an active participant in her life anymore. But it was all she could muster.

Buffy exited through the back, needing a break from being the Buffy they were all expecting.

‘I just wanted you to know that this is me trying.’

What she wasn’t prepared to see was Spike smoking in the shade of the alley. She startled for a moment, but it wasn’t like he could go anywhere and they both knew that. Settling a little bit away from him, she felt the costume she constantly wore fall from her shoulders.

How was she supposed to be the slayer if she couldn’t find it in herself to make it through the day without losing drive? And if she couldn’t be the slayer, the one thing that she had to be, what could she be?

‘They told me all of my cages were mental,  
So I got wasted like all my potential.’

The moments passing between them seemed to get thinner and thinner in her head as the words finally start tumbling out. Sitting there in the shadows with Spike it just all got to be too much. She couldn’t keep pretending to everyone.

“Everything here is… hard and bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch…” Buffy paused, looking over at him. “this is hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that.”

‘Pouring out my heart to a stranger.’

Staring straight ahead, Buffy composed herself and headed back inside. Back to being the one and only Buffy Anne Summers.

‘At least I'm trying.’


	10. illicit affairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is obviously going to be Spike and Buffy,, I mean,,

‘Make sure nobody sees you leave.’

She hides herself in the dark, weaving between headstones as she leaves the crypt behind. Another secret to pile on to the hidden depths. The moon guides her back to her house, a silent reminder that she isn’t completely lost.

‘Tell your friends you're out for a run,  
You’ll be flushed when you return.’

Their questions about patrol roll off of her like water and she makes her way upstairs. In her room, she finds sleep hidden in the back of her mind. She finds quiet in the darkness that swallows her up. The same darkness she sees in his world. A world that she’s slipped herself into seamlessly.

Another day. Another night. Another moment stolen away in a building made for the dead but co-opted by those who made it back out of their graves.

‘Tell yourself you can always stop.’

But she finds herself falling away into him when they’re together. Feeling like something more than the Buffy everyone knew. She’s something new and confusing and exciting. A mix of his bad and her good. And his good and her bad. And piece by piece it seems more like she’s getting glimpses of her old self. An altered version, but her, nonetheless.

And even as she seems to put the puzzle of herself back together, she sometimes gets dragged back under the earth. Reminded that she’s wrong.

‘And that's the thing about illicit affairs,  
And clandestine meetings and longing stares,  
It's born from just one single glance,  
But it dies and it dies and it dies,  
A million little times.’

He can feel it in his bones how he cares for her. But she doesn’t see it and she doesn’t feel the same. A familiar brute of an experience. Though he takes count of all of the times he got to hold her, and the truth doesn’t seem to hurt so much.

Singing a broken verse by himself in a song that’s meant to be a duet. She looks passed him every time he tries to broach the topic of what they’re doing. How she feels. Even though he already knows.

‘Like you don’t even exist.’

When they’re together it can seem like she cares about him as he does her. There are simple sentences that float between them and become something to hold onto. In her absence, he can hear these stolen moments where she lets go. Lets go of everything but him.

‘Take the words for what they are,  
A dwindling, mercurial high.’

And then she’s back, saying she can’t keep on like this. But her actions drown out her words and she returns and returns and returns.

‘And that's the thing about illicit affairs,  
And clandestine meetings and stolen stares,  
They show their truth one single time,  
But they lie and they lie and they lie,  
A million little times.’

She walks through that door knowing that it’s the last time she can look at him in a brighter light. Telling him it’s over and it’s done and it’s all been a lie.

When they see each other, little pieces of her break off. He speaks. And he teases. And she wants to let him back in. But she knows that she can’t. That she has to hold strong for just a little bit longer. Pushing forward and trying not to remember what it was like to kiss him. How she could turn into something else with him. But it’s over. It has to be over.   
His words washing over her.

‘And you wanna scream,  
Don't call me "kid," don't call me "baby."’

He speaks. And he teases. And he wants her to let him back in. Because he’s crashing to the ground without her around. No longer able to hold onto the lies he’d told himself time and time again. If he could just sit in the memories of them. She looks his way and it’s as if the rest of the room dims. But that means that he dims with it.

‘Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me,  
You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else.’

And they dance around each other, pretending they haven’t shared moments that meant something to both of them. Moments that have altered her perception of herself. Moments that have reminded him what it was like to be alive. Moments that are over and buried deep within their own personal graves.

‘Look at this idiotic fool that you made me,  
You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else.’

But still, he can feel her in his bones. In his defunct heart. In his veins.

‘And you know damn well,  
For you, I would ruin myself,  
A million little times.’


	11. invisible string

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, a little bit of a happier Willow and Tara one this time

Tara looked across the group at Willow. She hadn’t known what to expect when she had heard about the witches that wanted to meet up. Wasn’t certain what type of witches they would be. But even as she realized they weren’t what she was hoping for, she found it hard to feel disappointed. Something about Willow made it all worth it.

‘Green was the color of the grass,  
Where I used to read at Centennial Park,  
I used to think I would meet somebody there.’

Sitting, cowered away in a room with Willow, Tara found that their magic spoke for them even when they couldn’t find their voices. Minutes. And hours. And days. Spent together reimagining the world while locked inside their own personal bubble.

‘Time, curious time,  
Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs.’

Lying in the shade, suddenly tumbling backward into the sky. And there she was, falling. Head over heels. And heels over head.

And as she worried that maybe she was falling on her own, she saw Willow reaching out to hold her hand as they twirled through the sky together. Her room took form around her and she listened in silent awe as Willow spoke. It took a second for her to build up the right words.

“I am, you know.” The sentence came out softly and Willow turned in slight confusion.

“What?”

“Yours.”

‘And isn't it just so pretty to think,  
All along there was some,  
Invisible string,  
Tying you to me?’

Their days stretched out for years and passed by in seconds. It felt like they would have eternity to spend together. If she could hold Willow’s hand until the day she died, Tara was fairly certain she would go out happy.

But when the time came, she wasn’t holding Willow’s hand. And she was confused. And Willow was broken.

Nothing can prepare a person for the moment they die. But what shocked Tara even more was the moment she came back.

‘Time, mystical time,  
Cutting me open, then healing me fine.’

Tara followed her heart back to Willow.

‘And isn't it just so pretty to think,  
All along there was some,  
Invisible string,  
Tying you to me?’

She found her in a house that had held their days. A house that watched them love, and break, and die. And now it got to watch her come back from the dead to revive what had been lost. Knocking softly on the door, Tara waited for the next moment to jumpstart the rest of her resurrection.

Willow stood on the other side of the open door, frozen in place. Her face held pure confusion, but quickly melted into something bittersweet and cracked.

‘One single thread of gold,  
Tied me to you.’

The two crashed into each other, falling apart and rebuilding themselves in a matter of seconds. They held onto one another, finally finding the message buried under all of the pain.

‘Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven.’

It didn’t take long for them to find their places within each other again. They clicked like legos, settling in together. All of the hurt remained, but for Willow it didn’t matter anymore. Not as much as having Tara back mattered.

The two settled outside on a soft green field and watched the world turn. In each other’s arms, everything felt so in sync. Perfectly right.

‘Time, wondrous time,  
Gave me the blues and then purple-pink skies.’

And maybe they still had healing to do. Things to move on from. But nothing was impossible anymore. Pressing a gentle kiss to Tara’s forehead, Willow thanked all of the gods she could. The world could be hard and dangerous and scary, but together it was also bright and warm and hopeful. They let the sun set, not bothering to leave until it got too dark.

‘And isn't it just so pretty to think,  
All along there was some,  
Invisible string,  
Tying you to me?’

But for the first time in a long time, they knew they could fill more days with sitting outside among the trees and the grass and the flowers. They finally had more time.


	12. mad woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya! Anya! And Anya!

The townsfolk gathered whatever weapons they could find as they chased after Olaf. Behind her, Anyanka could hear D’Hoffryn talking but she was too focused on the chaos around her to listen. An electric wave of power surged through her and she took notice of just what she could do.

‘What did you think I'd say to that?  
Does a scorpion sting when fighting back?’

After a few more minutes spent watching the townspeople, she was finally ready to move on. D’Hoffryn offered her his hand and they walked off, distant shouts trailing after them.

‘They strike to kill, and you know I will.’

Sitting alone in The Magic Box, Anya listened to the sounds of the cash register as she checked a customer out. If they had looked closely at her, she was certain they would have noticed the tearstains that were ever-present on her cheeks. But they just paid and left and didn’t notice the sadness filling up her body. She made sure they left before Anya perched herself on the edge of the counter. Opening up one of the drawers, she pulled her ring out and slipped it back on her finger.

The cold metal felt like a knife against her skin, but she found herself repeating the gesture whenever she was alone. Pretending for just a moment that she wasn’t alone.

‘What do you sing on your drive home?  
Do you see my face in the neighbor's lawn?’

The bell jingled and Anya hopped off the counter, dropping the ring back into the drawer.

Aud waited for Olaf to get back. She moved a rabbit out of her way as the door swung open. Looking over, she saw the hulking figure of her love standing in the doorway.

It was clear to see that he had been out, drinking. And that he hadn’t been alone.

She broached the subject, but he brushed it off. He always brushed it off. Why did she even try when it was the same thing every time? Olaf would lie. And she would listen. And they would rinse and repeat until one of them died. Or at least, that’s what she had assumed would happen. Though does anyone predict getting turned into a demon?

‘Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy,  
What about that?’

Xander’s voice shook through Anya’s head. All those times she wanted to reveal their engagement, but he told her to hold on for the right moment. All those chances for them to talk things over that he never took. She had been scared too. Hadn’t he known that she had been scared too? But they could have been scared together. Worked through it.

‘And when you say I seem angry, I get more angry.’

D’Hoffryn stood in front of her. And she was Aud. She was Anya. She was Anyanka all over again. Another hostage to vengeance.

‘And there's nothing like a mad woman,  
What a shame she went mad.’

Olaf’s face flashed in front of her eyes, sliding over D’Hoffryn’s. And then Xander’s took its place. The two jostling for dominance in her sight.

‘No one likes a mad woman,  
You made her like that.’

She went out at night. Finding scorned woman after scorned woman. Fulfilling their wishes. But it felt different. Wrong. Distorted. Their words reach her ears, but there’s a twist to them. Some sour turn that made her stomach roll over.

Those wishes so full of anger and righteous fury. Words that she whispers aloud to herself when she’s alone, even though it doesn’t change anything.

‘Now I breathe flames each time I talk,  
My cannons all firin' at your yacht.’

Anya listened and she answered. But it’s not the same as it once was.

Even as a demon she seemed to be coming out all wrong. Some mixed up version of her. Too modern to be Aud. Too kind to be Anyanka. And too broken to be Anya. Heartbreak never said it was sweet, but she had forgotten just how bitter it truly was.

‘I'm taking my time, taking my time.’

Her apartment was fine, but it was always too empty. The Magic Box was enough to distract her, but it didn’t have the life it once did. Anya was alright, but she was just a bit too odd to be herself.

‘No one likes a mad woman,  
What a shame she went mad,  
You made her like that.’


	13. epiphany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joyce and Buffy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for vomit

Buffy let the words echo in her ears. Her mom was sick. There was a tumor. Spike’s hand was a gentle weight against her back. It was supposed to be something comforting. But how was she meant to find comfort when she was staring down the barrel of a shotgun and she didn’t have the strength to move out of the way? There was nothing she could do.   
You can’t slay a tumor.

‘And some things you just can't speak about.’

Dawn gripped her hand as they waved their mom off to surgery. Everything would be ok. That’s what she kept telling her sister. But it felt like a beautiful fabrication of hope. Buffy couldn’t find it in herself to believe things were going to be ok. Not until she saw her mom back safe and sound.

‘Watch you breathe in, watch you breathing out, out.’

Back at home, she lets herself believe. Sees the light at the end of the tunnel. Hope finally blooming within her chest as she makes sure her mom is resting. The days pass and slowly things slide back into place. Comfort and confidence. The three Summers’ girls making it in and out of the weeks that follow. With each day that passes, Buffy can feel the blossom of hope growing and spreading.

She walks through the front door and plucks the card from a bouquet. A grin brightening her face.

And then she walks into the living room.

‘Someone's daughter, someone's mother.’

Joyce lies on the couch and for a second Buffy is able to convince herself that her mom is resting. But then she sees her eyes. Her open eyes.

“Mommy?”

Panic spread through her body, making her fingers tingle. She moved closer and touched her mother’s arm. Cold. Cold. Cold.

Pulse racing, Buffy tried to do something, anything. Eventually she settled on picking up the phone. Her hands shook as she dialed 911, her eyes still stuck on Joyce’s cold face. The proceedings were normal. Or they passed for what normal looked like in a situation like hers. The operator asked her questions and gave her tasks and Buffy did as she was told. She performed CPR and she waited for the EMTs to arrive.

The two men hurried through her front door and worked quickly to try and save Joyce. They tried and they failed.

‘"Doc, I think she's crashing out"’

Sympathetic words washed over her and suddenly Buffy was drowning. Gasping for breath she was tossed under wave after wave. One of the men asked Buffy questions that didn’t sound like words to her. They clogged up her ears, but it was all nonsense. She shook her head and blinked. Were there any words left inside of her?

‘And some things you just can't speak about.’

She had to wait for the coroner to come take her mother away. She had to wait.

Hot bile screamed up her throat and Buffy threw up where she stood. The mess of vomit swirled in her vision as tears filled her eyes. Wait. She had to wait.

A part of her was still trapped in the world where the EMTs had done it, had saved Joyce. She was floating through hospital hallways. But her mom was ok. Buffy wanted to dive headfirst into the fantasy. She wanted her mom to hold her and tell her it would all be alright again.

‘But you dream of some epiphany,  
Just one single glimpse of relief,  
To make some sense of what you've seen.’

But that world didn’t exist. She just had to wait.


	14. betty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, there was no way this one wasn't going to be Willow and Tara

Tara walked out of the room, her heart dropping to her stomach. She carried what she could with her and forced herself to keep looking ahead. Leaving Willow behind, she fought with every step to not give up.

Over the next few days, gathering her things got easier and harder simultaneously. Though it was always better when Willow wasn’t there.

‘When I passed your house,  
It's like I couldn't breathe.’

Willow curled up on her bed and pulled the sheets over her. It felt as though she could stay there forever with only her hurt there to hold her. Hiccups wracked her body as she sobbed.

Days passed, but she was stuck in bed not knowing where she could go. What she could do. Without Tara, Willow had had her heart ripped right from her chest. The ragged hole that had taken its place ached every time she breathed. It was agony to think of the two of them. To remember how safe she had felt in Tara’s arms. And she knew she only had herself to blame.

‘The worst thing that I ever did,  
Was what I did to you.’

Sometimes she saw Tara in the halls at school. They passed each other without a single glance. Sidestepping just to avoid the knowledge that they had once been so close. Willow could feel time slow when they were in the same room. The world was coming to a fiery end and then starting all over again.

And then they started to speak again. Small moments. Nothing that meant they could mend the torn fabrics of their love. But they were speaking. And they were able to look at each other.

‘But if I just showed up at your party,  
Would you have me? Would you want me?  
Would you tell me to go fuck myself?’

Buffy’s birthday approached and once again they were caught in each other’s orbit. Smiling and waiting and wondering if maybe. Willow could feel the maybes and the what ifs piling up in her head. Maybe she could fix it. Maybe they could make it work. What if Tara still loved her? What if there was some chance? Some small, miniscule chance. Maybe. And what if.

‘Or lead me to the garden?’

They danced their ill-practiced dance. Knowing their past and thinking about the possibility of a future.

It felt like a lifetime had passed since they had seen each other up close and in person. Willow wanted nothing more than to reach out and find her again. She wanted to make it up to her. She wanted to apologize.

‘In the garden, would you trust me,  
If I told you it was just a summer thing?’

They grew closer and life became something resembling hope. But it was still too soon to tell, even as Tara climbed the stairs to the room they had shared.

‘Betty, I'm here on your doorstep,  
And I planned it out for weeks now,  
But it's finally sinkin' in,  
Betty, right now is the last time,  
I can dream about what happens when,  
You see my face again.’

A pause. She walked in and she didn’t wait for Willow. Tara started up because she knew she had to get everything out. If she didn’t do it now, would she ever?

‘Yeah, I showed up at your party,  
Will you have me? Will you love me?’

“There’s just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides. You have to learn if… if we’re even the same people we were. If you can fit in each other’s lives.”

Willow’s face fell as she listened to Tara talk, but she understood. And as her energy dipped, Tara smiled. She continued on, building up to her final point.

“It’s a long, important process, and… can we just skip it? Can you just be kissing me now?”

‘If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it?’

They collided, kissing as if they needed each other to breathe. Pieces of them stitched back together, waiting for the future. Soaking in the warm glow of their love that had never fully been extinguished.

‘You know I miss you.’


	15. peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some season 7 spuffy

The one thing Spike had never expected to get from Buffy was forgiveness. But somehow sitting in her basement. Standing near her. Helping with the potentials. Holding her in the night. She gave it to him all the same.

He knew he wasn’t a good man. Wasn’t even really a man. And every part of him screamed that he didn’t deserve her forgiveness. Called out to her that she should run for the hills. He was still a monster.

‘As long as danger is near,  
And it's just around the corner, darlin',  
'Cause it lives in me,  
No, I could never give you peace.’

Despite his protests and his disbelief, they pulled to each other in the night. But it had changed and shifted since the last time their tides had crashed together. Spike struggled to understand how.

He knew how he felt, but Buffy… Why should she care about him?

Trailing after Buffy like a lost puppy, Spike helped in any way he could. If he couldn’t understand why she believed in him, he could at least give her reasons to.

‘All these people think love's for show,  
But I would die for you in secret.’

They continue on. And they evolve. And for the first time it feels like he’s not the only one there. She’s right alongside him and it’s all so confusing.

‘Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?’

When he gets back to her house and she’s gone, there’s something that snaps. Some momentary loss of what they’ve been working toward. Because if she isn’t a part of the solution is it anything that will work? Without Buffy, he’s certain the world would end.

Spike knows her. Sees how she’s come back from the edge time and time again. Saved the world even if it meant she couldn’t save herself. He knows Buffy. And he knows that there’s no hope if she isn’t there.

‘Your integrity makes me seem small.’

He finds her all alone in an empty house hidden away in the dark. It’s no place for her. No place for a girl that’s brighter than the sun. He tries his best to comfort her and he knows that he’s not the one that should be there. She deserves better than his best. But still, she believes in him. And then she knows, he believes in her, too.

They find something in each other that they could never have found before. A quiet moment with his arms around her. Different from all the other times he was able to touch her. Something gentle. Something kind. Something forgiving.

‘Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other.’

And in the morning, she’s gone. Replaced by a note. And he’s certain he was alone the whole night.

But he wasn’t. She was there. With him.

‘I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best,  
But the rain is always gonna come if you're standin' with me.’

She was there with him. That night. And the night after. And she was there when he stood on the precipice of death. She took his hand and asked him to join her.

‘But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm.’

But even though she was there, he couldn’t leave with her.

‘All these people think love's for show,  
But I would die for you in secret.’

There was never going to be a happy ending for them. But he appreciated her attempt.

‘Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?’


	16. hoax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last but not least, some Faith and Buffy

It was dark out. But when you were a slayer, didn’t it seem as though the world were perpetually dark? Filled with the nastiest creatures a person could imagine. And some that went beyond that. Still, the cemetery was blanketed in shadows.

Faith walked through the grass, looking for one specific sight. One golden beacon of hope in the night.

‘My only one.’

She saw Buffy in the moonlight and everything that had happened between them came surging to the foreground. There was no comfort for them. There was nothing but

‘My twisted knife.’

If she could rewind her choices, choose Buffy instead, she would. But life didn’t work for Faith. No, life liked to work against her. Watch her squirm and struggle against its tight ropes, waiting for the chance to get things right. The darkness inside her worked with life to break her down. It hid those right choices away from her, far out of reach. Until all she was, was darkness.

‘My winless fight.’

“Hey, B.”

Buffy looked over at her, the two of them surrounded by silence and death. A perfect understanding of their relationship.

Faith’s hand hung limp at her side, but she could feel the urge to take Buffy’s hand in hers.

Too much had happened. She had fractured them in ways she was certain could never be mended. There hadn’t been a clean break. No, she had shattered them, and Buffy had scattered the pieces. All the good moments they had shared were simply food for the vultures now. Something dead and rotting on the side of the road.

But when you work with things that just won’t stay dead, it’s hard to keep those feelings buried.

‘Stood on the cliffside screaming, "Give me a reason,"  
Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in’

She had always meant for them to be something far greater than what they had become.

‘My best laid plan.’

How had they fallen so far from that?

‘Your sleight of hand.’

Buffy talked, but if felt hollow. Were they passed understanding each other? Was there truly nothing to save? Where was their chance at resurrection?

Faith could see herself pulling Buffy in for a kiss, but no matter how it played out in her head she always ended up alone. A knife plunged into her chest.

No more chances for a swift redemption. She’d squandered them all years ago. Added fuel to the fire and danced in the flames. But there she was, wanting to reach out to Buffy. Just wanting one more second chance. To hold her hand. To touch her face. To kiss her while the world burned.

‘Don't want no other shade of blue but you,  
No other sadness in the world would do.’

There was one thing Faith knew. From the moment she had learned that she wasn’t the only slayer. One thing. That it would always be Buffy. She would always be the slayer. She would always be the favorite. She would always be the best.

‘You knew you won so what's the point of keeping score?’

She would always be the one.

‘My only one.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, that's all! my computer crashed about three times while posting these and i saw a cockroach in my room,,, so, fun night for me! but thanks again for reading!! oh, and sorry so many of these were bummers

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! have a great day and stay safe!! <3 :)


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